|Here are some simple truths: Be a good listener. Don’t make excuses. Don’t pass judgments or make destructive comments. Say 'Thank you' and 'I’m sorry', and learn to ask for forgiveness.
Too easy, is it? Well actually, not. It comes from Marshall Goldsmith's book “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful”. Of course, if being successful isn't for you, read no more! In reality so many of us don't even know what a 'good listener' does, we make excuses, pass judgements, are destructive, don't thank enough and even never ask forgiveness! It's true, we've all done it. But I can say that any of us who have been through Dr Thomas Gordon's Effectiveness Training courses have learned some better alternatives, both as managers and as parents - and often use them!
Having spent years running such courses I have seen how rapidly people change in themselves and with others as soon as they have alternatives to the above "Roadblocks to Communication". So I immediately relate to Goldsmith's ideas.
He also likes to use 360 degree feedback when coaching someone - again we are on the same track. His list of annoying workplace habits includes 'clinging to the past', 'playing favorites', 'withholding information' and 'failing to express gratitude'. All of these and others are to be found in the 360 Facilitated 'Leader/Manager Model'. We're on parallel tracks! He calls these sins 'transactional flaws' that make your workplace toxic.
He also says that we tend to blame others for not understanding us. We learned this from Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP): "The meaning of your communication is the response that you get". Tough one to accept!
Then he goes on to say that we can be so focussed on the goal we lose sight of the mission - and may totally defeat ourselves (like the exec overworking in order to enjoy a family). This again is pure NLP: first define your Outcome, then your goals must fit within it. This is also the key principle of Mega Planning where the Outcome is defined as the impact on Society and the Environment. Your success must fit within that or else it is going against it and therefore cannot be Sustainable.
Goldsmith is one of the highest regarded (and paid) corporate coaches of our time and he says he gets all this from Buddhism. Which shows perhaps that it's in the air, breathe deep and go forward.
Source: Charles Erikson, New York Post
Labels: 360 Facilitated, 360 feedback, Communication, Leadership